The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.9 – Bichanos

Image result for anaconda amazon


There at the edge of a tributary was a huge anaconda. It was motionless and we soon understood the reason why. There near the center of the serpents trunk was a very suggestive bump.

“Does it count if we paint the snake?” Sam joked as he trained his gun on the reptile.

I had no idea. This whole exercise was very wild, very irregular.

At times I thought that Lobo was trying to put us off the trip. He didn’t seem too keen on trekking into the depths. His quiet cryptic protestations chilled me more than even the most graphic accounts of the Candiru fish.

I was hot, tired, and we were almost out of water.

As I said before we did not drink Brazilian water. Rather bottled American stuff. We were slowly being weaned onto the local sources. I really thought this an overcaution something that played into the little game of trekking through unforgiving terrain with limited resources.

Now our camelbacks and the liter bottles in our packs were getting dangerously low. This place sucked the moisture right out of you. It bled through your pores to join the liquid air.

Now that our main objective might well be compromised I felt more tired than I’d ever been before. We hadn’t received very much conditioning before he sent us on this wild goose chase.

I wanted to jump into the river. Just strip down and jump on in. I didn’t. I knew all the reasons why it was a bad idea.

So instead I inspected the ground for perils and tossed down my pack. Sat on the makeshift chair and pulled out my flask.

“Well fuck,” I said looking up at Lucas red tired face.

“You really think that’s her in there…”

“Well, it’s about the right size.”

“Sure, but it could be any number of things.”

“What if it’s a princess…” Sam said producing a cruel looking combat knife from the swordlike sheath at his side. “I haven’t fucked in days.”

“Put that away ya fuckin dork,” Lucas said with fatigue accentuated exasperation.

“You haven’t seen pussy since the womb and the womb was trying to spit you out…” Chuck attempted some raunchy wit.

“Jesus, you guys…pardon me for trying to lighten the mood.”

“The only thing that could lighten my mood is an igloo, a six pack, and your mother.” The heat really wasn’t helping my banter. I highly doubted that shoving the blarney stone square up my ass would help improve my rhetoric under these circumstances.

Graham was even creepier in the wild. I felt like he still had most of his supply. He was calm, almost bemused, but with that same mocking edge. He was pouring over a field guide completely detached and oblivious to our whingefest.

“Hey Hoyt gimmee a damn smoke!” I grunted at the specter.

“Now’s a pretty bad time to pick up that habit wouldn’t you say, Alan?”

“Now’s a pretty bad time to piss me off,” I said with a violence that surprised me.

Graham obliged.

No sooner had I lit the cigarette then I heard a distant whir.

Pretty soon a green and blue helicopter burst into sight over the tree line on the opposite bank.

“Bichanos! Bichanos! Why have you drunk all the water….” Lobos voice boomed in mocking triumph through a megaphone.

I took a drag and lifted my middle finger high.


 

Part I – Kentucky Door

1.1 (Intro) The Sketch of Sam Monroe

1.2 The Cajun Prayer

1.3 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter One: The Cambridge Gable Scene (‘Gator is Waitin’)

1.4 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.4 – The Cambridge Gable Scene – (Horticulture)

1.5 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.5: ‘To Luckadoo Cove’

1.6 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.6 – ‘Is there anybody out there…’

1.7 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.7: ‘Jesse’

1.8 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.8: ‘Lungful of Bees’

1.9 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 1.9 – ‘Precedent’

2.0 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.0 -Calvinist Neuroses

2.1 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.1 – Mirage

2.2 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.2 – Estate Planning

2.3 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.3 – High Tech Summons

2.4 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.4 – Amazon Stonehenge

2.5 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.5 – Jung

2.6 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.6 – Dee

2.7 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.7 – Meeting 211

2.8 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.8 – Itinerary

2.9 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.9 – Fact and Fiction

2.10 Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.10 -Kaffeeklatsch

2.11 Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.11 – Catnap

2.12 Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.12 – ‘One Pair’

2.13 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.13 – Reentry

2.14 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.14 – Phoenix

2.15 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 2.15 – Apollo and Dionysus

3.0 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.0 – Inherit the Wind

3.1 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.1 – Stardust

3.2 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.2 – Loyola

3.3 Chapter 3.3 – High and Dry

3.4 Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.4 – One Dream

3.5 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.5 – Pensive

3.6 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.6 – Feijoada

3.7 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.7 – ‘Good food and good work…’

3.8 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.8 – A Good Egg

3.9 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.9 – Oregon HillThe Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.9 – Thera_

3.10 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 3.10 – ‘Thick Bushes’

4.0 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.0 – No room at the Inn

4.1 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.1 – The Union Jack

4.2 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.2 – The Genevive

4.3 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.3 – Ecclesiastes 1:18

4.4 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.4 – Bleached

4.5 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.5 – Marty

4.6 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.6 – Highland Deep

4.7 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.7 – Sunshine

4.8 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.8 – What is it?

4.9 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.9 – Thera

4.10 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.10 – Father Crespi

4.11 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 4.11 – Why this?

Part II – The Wizard’s Nod

5.0 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.0 – Thurible

5.1 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.1 – Parlour Tricks

5.2 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.2 – Tropical Brutalism

5.3 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.3 – The Dreamers in the Wood

5.4 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.4 – Les Goddams

5.5. The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.5 – Lobo

5.6 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.6 – Madonna

5.7 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.7 – Basic 2.0

5.8 The Sketch of Sam Monroe – Chapter 5.8 – The Least Dangerous Game


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