Weird Weir’s Guide to Stoner Rock

 

I’m bored, and tired, and avoiding research…so I’m listening to Stoned Meadow of Doom…which…ok I’m gonna…I gotta…here we gooooo………….!

  1. Vaguely Ominous Geometric Patterns
  2. Words like silent, luminous, orb, pillars, equinox
  3. Slide guitar, pentatonic scales, microtones
  4. Wear a fez
  5. Solemnly mutter adjective heavy things
  6. Robes
  7. Skeletons or skulls or both!
  8. Egypt lots of Egypt
  9. Neopaganesque nude women cause fertility or something
  10. Witch…say witch or talk about witches especially if the witches smoke ganja
  11. Subtly hint a greater awareness than the average sober meatpuppet. You are afterall in the great traditions of shamans because you read a couple of McKenna essays and have a rad tikiman bowl from the headshop
  12. You are the Ipssimuss no question
  13. Chant like a monk that got lost on a tour of world religions
  14. Echo effects mean mystery
  15. Say consciousness a lot
  16. Plagiarize the Doors the more often the better
  17. You know what Vietnam was like you’re a stoner band it doesn’t matter if the oldest guy was born in 1992. You ARE WOODSTOCK plus Satan because Satan is edgy and knows magic that involves a lot of complicated geometric patterns that help compensate for you micropenis. Micropenis Macrocosm is a great stoner band name.
  18. OM!
With these easy steps you too can be a bog lord. Bog Lord is a great name for you stoner band.

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